★ Star

hi. yes. the footer guy.

Yallah
Habibi

Chief Hallucination Officer. I made the website you just came from, and the tiny text that brought you here. No degree, no bootcamp, no fear. Just a prompt and a suspicious number of open tabs. Thank you for noticing. Genuinely. Nobody does.

Hire me

(the second button is shy)

Bugs squashed: 0 (a bug is crawling around. Go get it.)

My Method (chaos & vibes)

Where product specs go to die and spontaneous features are born.

  1. 2:00 AM: Idea strikes. "This will take 10 minutes."
  2. 2:30 AM: Threatening AI prompts + 40 open tabs.
  3. 3:15 AM: It compiles. It's on fire. Perfect.
  4. 4:00 AM: Console errors renamed to "features".
  5. Sunrise: Shipped to production. Do not touch it.

Startup idea you want me to lie about building:

Pitch me anything. Business models are for cowards.

Why spend 6 months in meetings when you can ship bugs tonight?

Skills (mostly my team)

Skill = 10% what I know + 90% who I ask. Math checks out. Barely.

HTML20%. I know it starts with < and ends with >. The AI handles everything in between
CSS15%. I can say "make it pop" in 40 different ways. That counts
JavaScript10%. I can spot a semicolon at 50 metres. Beyond that, we pray
React8%. I know it's a library, not a lifestyle. Still shipping it
Photoshop12%. I open it, my laptop fan sounds like a Boeing 747, I close it immediately
Illustrator15%. I just download free SVGs, change one color, and invoice for "custom branding"
Whatever's trending5%. If it has a logo and a landing page, I've pasted it into something
Prompt Engineering95%. I don't write algorithms. I negotiate with language models until they surrender working code
Knowing who to ask120%. The only skill that matters. Overflows, like my browser tabs

The Team (16 agents, 0 salaries, 0 meetings)

Claude

Does the thinking. I take the credit.

Gemini

Second opinion when Claude says "that's a bad idea".

ChatGPT

The one my mom has heard of. Solid, chatty, occasionally confidently wrong.

Muse

Meta's shiny new toy. I have no idea how it works, but it's free so it's hired.

Vercel

Pushed straight to production. If the build breaks, I close the laptop and pretend to sleep.

GitHub

Where my half-finished side projects rest in peace. Zero pull requests, 100% emotional baggage.

Googling

Oldest colleague. Still undefeated.

Copilot

Finishes my sentences. And my code. And sometimes my bugs.

Cursor

Edits ten files while I watch like a proud parent.

Perplexity

Googling, but with footnotes. Feels academic.

DeepSeek

Thinks out loud for 4 minutes. Worth it.

Grok

Answers at 3 AM with attitude. Same energy as me.

Docker

I don't know what a Dockerfile does, but ChatGPT said 'add this line' and it stopped crying.

Midjourney

Makes the pictures. I say 'make it more cinematic'.

Stack Overflow

Closed my question as a duplicate. Still love it.

Coffee

The only one on the payroll.

Things developers say (lies told to clients & God)

Polygraph: ARMED

👆 Click any lie below to run lie-detector & force a confession.

How long will your project take?

Select your project. I will lie confidently.

Waiting for you to pick something...

Numbers (completely fabricated for VC funding)

0lines copy-pasted without reading
0unit tests written (we test in prod)
0cries for help sent to ChatGPT
0clue why lines 40-90 compile

As seen on (zero major publications)

My Mom's WhatsApp Status localhost:3000 One (1) Browser Tab A Friend's Phone, Under Pressure The Footer You Just Clicked

What people say (unpaid, unverified)

"He built my site overnight. I still don't know how, and neither does he." A satisfied client, probably
"Beta tested by his own mother. Rated 5/5 out of pity." Mom
"The bugs are weirdly charming." Someone being very polite
"Wait, you did all this without a degree?" Everyone, then silence

Terms & Conditions (nobody reads these, you will)

1. Deadlines

Deadlines are emotional support for the client. Delivery happens when the vibes align.

2. Bugs

Any bug found is a surprise feature. Any feature that breaks is a bug in your browser.

3. Revisions

Unlimited revisions, limited patience. Each "one small change" costs one coffee.

4. Credit

The AI team gets zero credit and ten thousand thanks. I get the invoice.

5. Refunds

If you don't love it, I will build it again. Louder.

Contact (at your own risk)

Congratulations on surviving this long. Here are two ways to interrupt my 2 AM coding spiral:

SLOW & FORMAL

Send an email like we're in 2004:

hi@yallahhabibi.is-a.dev Directly straight to my "I'll reply tomorrow" folder.
INSTANT CHAOS

Slide into my Telegram:

@YallahHabibi Seen instantly at 3:14 AM. Replied when the alignment of Jupiter feels right.

SLA Guarantee: Replies within 24 hours. Or 24 business weeks. Time is a flat circle and my inbox is an abyss.